April 11, 2012

Everything Not Previously Dead Is Now Dead

Guess what? Now marketing is dead, too!

First television was dead. Then advertising was dead. Then ad campaigns were dead. Then broadcasting was dead. Then copywriters were dead.

Now marketing is dead. And it's not just dead, it's dead in caps, as in, "Marketing is Dead."

This time it must be true because it comes from some genius who teaches at Stanford and writes for the Harvard Business Review. It seems like the gaudier the credentials, the dopier the patter. (Which is stolen directly from one of my all-time favorite lines: Sam Spade, in  The Maltese Falcon, by Dashiell Hammett, says: "The cheaper the crook, the gaudier the patter.")

You can read about the terrible death of marketing (such a pity, it was so young) on a website called Yes and Know (groan.) The name of the piece in question is What Replaces Marketing? Apparently, the answer is "shared purpose" (double-extra-groan.)

You see, we ad hacks are no longer responsible for selling stuff, instead we are social workers whose job is to "engage in a community" and "co-create with people."

I have only two words for this bullshit: Pepsi Refresh.

After feeding us this baloney sandwich, the writer goes off into hyperspace about Apple retail stores, completely misunderstanding Apple's business strategy. If ever there was a secretive, paranoid, walled culture that absolutely, positively refused to "engage in a community" or "co-create with people" it's Apple.

But you really can't appreciate the depths of the cluelessness of this meatball until you hear her advice for Best Buy on how to resurrect their rapidly decomposing carcass...
"...become social thru Pinterest...all of a sudden you become a magnet for what’s hot."
All of a sudden! Wow, that was easy! Man, this marketing stuff is fun!

We here at The Ad Contrarian World Headquarters would like to welcome Pinterest to the official registry of Idiot's-Answers-To-Everything. It joins the hallowed ranks of podcasts, widgets, Facebook, apps, Twitter, social media, and content.

I know that the people who write all these insufferable "____ is Dead" articles are imbeciles, but please, when will the Guardians Of The Internet stop publishing this crap? Who the hell is in charge here?

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