August 26, 2009

Symptoms May Include

  • Dry mouth
  • Nausea
  • Sudden and inexplicable death
  • Dancing ahead of the beat
  • Calling everyone "Billy"
  • Fond memories of Paris
  • Bunting with men in scoring position
  • Asking your dentist for a date
  • Hankering for kosher pickles
  • Naive faith in golf tips
  • Shaving one side only
  • Being nice to Frenchmen
  • Ability to see magnetic waves
  • Putting both socks on one foot
  • Compulsion to sign non-compete agreements
  • Questioning the rules of hockey
  • Vomiting
  • Rhyming "prove" with "love"
  • Aversion to fondu
  • Saluting Chinese people
  • Belated birthday wishes from strangers
  • Relief pitcher facial hair
  • Sex with others
  • Overuse of the word "penultimate"
  • Sleeping at your dry cleaner's house
  • Buying a dinette set
  • Cat teasing
  • Frequent dizziness when spinning around very fast with your eyes closed
  • Wearing silly hats
  • Assigning unpleasant names to co-workers
  • Tiredness after thinking
  • Expecting a package from New Jersey
  • Violence directed at those weaker and smaller than you
  • Running through fields in slow motion
  • Overcooking the beans
  • Not being able to get "The Impossible Dream" out of your head
  • Bouncing your shoulders while chuckling
  • A penchant for quadratic equations
  • Moist nostrils
  • Not finishing your sentenc

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