Advice For Students And CEOs

Advice For Ad Students From The Wonderful Dave Trott
Dave's new book is called Predatory Thinking. You can find it here.

Advice For CEOs From The Not-So-Wonderful Me
Yesterday, Bob McDonald, CEO of the world's largest advertiser, P&G, lost his job.

Mr. CEO, before you get snowed by the digital miracle workers, take a deep breath and study the case of Mr. McDonald.

Here's a quote from McDonald from a while back...

"In the digital space, with things like Facebook and Google and others, we find that the return on investment of the advertising, when properly designed, when the big idea is there, can be much more efficient."

Yeah, right.

According to Business Insider, P&G cut their traditional advertising budget and put a lot of effort and energy into Facebook, and... 

"...while P&G cut U.S. spending 5% last year to $2.8 billion, its rivals stepped in to the vacuum."

The results were not pretty. They conclude...

"...McDonald steered P&G in the direction of "free" social and online media, only to haul it back to old-fashioned paid media when he didn't see the results he liked."

The "haul back" came a little too late.

An illustrious 30-year career at P&G ended dramatically and unpleasantly. There were certainly more factors than just advertising in Mr. McDonald's demise, but chasing the elusive digital rainbow sure didn't help.

Please Don't Use That Word

There is a universe that a certain kind of digital marketing bonehead comes from that has a language of its own. It's a horrible language. It is hugely annoying, but it is unrelenting and it seems to be spreading.

It gives us compound words and neologisms that must seem terribly clever to illiterate nitwits, but make anyone with a sense of propriety want to commit hideous acts of violence. Some of the "words" it has given us are...

• Phygital 
• Glocal. 
• Tradigital.
• Gamification. 
• Communiting

These almost-words are just cute enough that they must make these vapid dullards people feel very clever and creative.

Well, get ready. I just heard a new one -- mocial.

No, I'm not kidding. In case you don't work at a second-rate digital agency and don't know what mocial is, it is apparently the combination of mobile and social.

Or moron and atrocial.

From what I hear, mocial is ready to explode all over the digital ecosystem. Be careful not to get any on your pants.

Mocial gives me nausarrhea.

My friend Jason Headley writes and directs great little movies. Here's one he just made that is hilarious.

The Taxman Cometh

Since the stupidity of the I.R.S. is all over the news, I thought I'd weigh in with my own I.R.S. story.

This probably means they'll come to my house in the middle of the night and drag me off. But, as I'm sure you know, my dedication to my readers is more important than my freedom.

So it's about 4 or 5 years ago and the I.R.S. decides to audit my agency. They came into the agency and went through every piece of paper and every email and every memo and every invoice and every leftover cranberry bagel in the joint. As the majority shareholder, they also demanded my personal tax returns for the previous year.

We had the best CFO in the history of the world. Seriously. After going over everything, we came out of this inquisition 100% clean and lovely.

So they packed up their calculators and their microscopes and went home.

A week later I get a phone call...

THEM: Mr. Hoffman, during our audit I noticed that you had sold some of your shares in Hoffman/Lewis back to the company.

ME: That's correct.

THEM: I need to confirm that you paid proper taxes on the sale of your shares.

ME: Okay, well you have my tax retu....

THEM: So I need your tax returns for last year.

ME: You have my tax returns for last year. I gave them to you during the audit.

THEM: Yes, but they are in someone else's office.

ME: Excuse me?

THEM: They are in another office so I need for you to send me another copy of your tax returns.

ME: Wait a second. May I suggest something? What if you call down to the other office and get them?

THEM: To get your file from the other office to my office I have to apply for a file transfer and that will take about four months.

ME: WHAT? Four months to get a file from one office to another? I can send a refrigerator to Denmark over night...

THEM: Please send me another copy of your tax returns.

ME: I don't have another copy of my tax returns. You have my tax ...

THEM: No, I don't, Mr. Hoffman. It's in someone else's office. This will go a lot smoother if you cooperate with us.

I wish I could say I made this up, but you cannot make this shit up.
  
We posted something on our business website yesterday that's been very popular. If you're interested, it's called "Agencies Never Take Their Own Advice" and you can find it here.