Holiday Gift Giving

I'm having a bagel.

Normally, I have Horizon Organic cream cheese with my bagel. First, because it's a client, and second because it's so much better than anything else. (This is not pandering. Try it, you'll see.)

My grocery was out of Horizon this morning and I had to get Kraft Philadelphia cream cheese -- not nearly as good, but acceptable in a pinch.

So I'm opening the package and on the wrapper I see a plug for their website -- creamcheese.com.

Being a cynical bastard, the first thing I do is laugh. I say to myself, why in the world would anyone in his right mind waste good minutes of a brief and precious life at creamcheese.com?

So, naturally, I go to creamcheese.com.

I find the usual nonsense: idiotic videos; recipes; better living through cream cheese; "cheesecake customizer" (whatever the hell that is); and a cream cheese widget (how did I live without that?)

But the truly amazing thing is that one of the featured items is about holiday gifts made with cream cheese -- "Holiday Gift Giving. Heartfelt Gifts that won't Break the Bank."

Now, I have nothing against heartfelt gifts -- even if they're made of cheese. But Mr. Kraft, it's February! What's with the Holiday Gift Giving? Haven't you internet people heard about "internet time?"

Can you imagine Kraft running a tv spot in February about Holiday Gift Giving?

It just reinforces my opinion of corporate websites. Companies spend zillions to create them with great urgency. Then they let them sit around and smell up the room like last week's lox.