This country has a long history of pompous, self-important jerks returning awards.
Today, I am proud to join that brotherhood (yeah, yeah, okay, sisterhood, too. I can see this Sarah Palin thing is going to be a real pain in the ass.)
Last week I won an award. It was an award for having a funny blog. (Apparently laughs are so hard to come by these days that "annoying" passes for "funny.")
It was given to me by other bloggers (in particular, the wonderful Kelly.) The problem is it comes with strings. Frankly, the award is kind of like a pyramid scheme. I can't announce the award until I bestow it on 5 other funny bloggers. Now where the hell am I going to find 5 funny bloggers?
Believe me, I've tried.
I googled "funny blogs" and "humorous blogs." There were long lists of blogs that were supposed to be funny. I spent all Saturday morning reading them. They were about as funny as a hernia operation.
Like I said to Kelly, finding 5 funny bloggers is like finding 5 coherent art directors, or 5 grateful teenagers, or five satisfactory husbands, or 5 McCain voters on the Upper West Side.
Anyone with a sense of humor is not blogging, he’s making fun of bloggers.
I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I'm afraid I may have to turn down the award. And if there's one thing I hate to turn down, it's an award. Or money. Or pizza. Oh, and Ketel One on the rocks with a twist. And a slow dance with a fast girl. And cupcakes. And did I mention Ketel One?
My only hope is you, gentle reader. Can you point me to some funny bloggers?
Speaking Of Awards For Funny:
My business partner, The Klever Mrs. Krinsky, once won an award for a radio commercial she wrote. It was in the "non-humor" category. She stepped up to the podium to accept her award. "Thank you so much for this lovely award. Just one thing. The fucking spot was supposed to be funny."