I am a sports fan and a patriot. I go to lots of games. But if I have to sit through one more excruciating interpretation of The Star Spangled Banner I may never go back.
If you are ever asked to sing the national anthem at a ballgame please follow these guidelines:
- Sing the melody. Songs have melodies for a reason. Your improvisations are not improvements. Trust me on this.
- Don't gargle. This isn't American Idol.
- There's a difference between drunkenness and admiration. You know all those morons who are going "Wooo!" when you hit the high notes? They're drunk.
- And, most of all, get on with it. Patriotism is fine, but our hot dogs are getting cold.