If you have a Twitter account (yes, I am one of those wretched losers) you quickly learn how monumentally dull most people are.
I can't imagine that any sane person is pathetic enough to read all the Tweets he receives. But if you did, you would surely be driven to suicide.
So, I have an idea.
It's a way for the average brain-dead Twitterer to appear smart. Okay, maybe not smart, but at least conscious.
It's a website where you buy Tweets. I call it The Tweet Machine. You go to the website and find ready-made Tweets on virtually any topic you want.
You want to Tweet about advertising? You go to The Tweet Machine, you click on business, then you click on advertising, and there you find 100 ready-made Tweets about advertising, some complete with links. All you do is copy and paste.
We charge $5 a month to be a member.
I figure I can get this thing up and running for about a million bucks and make more money in the first week than Twitter will make this century.
Who's in?
Line Extension...
The Face Machine, ready-made status updates for Facebook.
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"Delusional thinking isn't just acceptable in marketing today -- it's mandatory."
"Shakespeare was a storyteller. You're a copywriter."
"Good ads appeal to us as consumers. Great ads appeal to us as humans."
"As an ad medium, the web is a much better yellow pages and a much worse television."
"Sometimes success in the advertising business requires sitting quietly and letting clients proceed with their hysterical delusions."
"Marketers prefer precise answers that are wrong to imprecise answers that are right."
"Brand studies last for months, cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, and generally have less impact on business than cleaning the drapes."
"The idea that the same consumer who was frantically clicking her TV remote to escape from advertising was going to merrily click her mouse to interact with it is going to go down as one of the great advertising delusions of all time."
"Nobody really knows what "creativity" is. Every year thousands of people take a pilgrimage to find out. This involves flying to Cannes, snorting cocaine, and having sex with smokers."
"Marketers habitually overestimate the attraction of new things and underestimate the power of traditional consumer behavior."
"We don’t get them to try our product by convincing them to love our brand. We get them to love our brand by convincing them to try our product."
"In American business, there is nothing stupider than the previous generation of management."
"If the message is right, who cares what screen people see it on? If the message is wrong, what difference does it make?"
"The only form of product information on the planet less trustworthy than advertising is the shrill ravings of web maniacs."
"There's no bigger sucker than a gullible marketer convinced he's missing a trend."
"All ad campaigns are branding campaigns. Whether you intend it to be a branding campaign is irrelevant. It will create an impression of your brand regardless of your intent."
"Nobody ever got famous predicting that things would stay pretty much the same."
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"Social Media: Tens of millions of disagreeable people looking to make trouble."
"Creative people make the ads. Everyone else makes the arrangements."
"Delusional thinking isn't just acceptable in marketing today -- it's mandatory."
"Shakespeare was a storyteller. You're a copywriter."
"Good ads appeal to us as consumers. Great ads appeal to us as humans."
"As an ad medium, the web is a much better yellow pages and a much worse television."
"Sometimes success in the advertising business requires sitting quietly and letting clients proceed with their hysterical delusions."
"Marketers prefer precise answers that are wrong to imprecise answers that are right."
"Brand studies last for months, cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, and generally have less impact on business than cleaning the drapes."
"The idea that the same consumer who was frantically clicking her TV remote to escape from advertising was going to merrily click her mouse to interact with it is going to go down as one of the great advertising delusions of all time."
"Nobody really knows what "creativity" is. Every year thousands of people take a pilgrimage to find out. This involves flying to Cannes, snorting cocaine, and having sex with smokers."
"Marketers habitually overestimate the attraction of new things and underestimate the power of traditional consumer behavior."
"We don’t get them to try our product by convincing them to love our brand. We get them to love our brand by convincing them to try our product."
"In American business, there is nothing stupider than the previous generation of management."
"If the message is right, who cares what screen people see it on? If the message is wrong, what difference does it make?"
"The only form of product information on the planet less trustworthy than advertising is the shrill ravings of web maniacs."
"There's no bigger sucker than a gullible marketer convinced he's missing a trend."
"All ad campaigns are branding campaigns. Whether you intend it to be a branding campaign is irrelevant. It will create an impression of your brand regardless of your intent."
"Nobody ever got famous predicting that things would stay pretty much the same."
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