Mort Kohn

This week the advertising industry, and the world, lost someone special.

Mort Kohn was a wonderful person. An artist, an art director, and a gentle, sweet man.

Our world has an unfortunate habit of bestowing high status on the famous and wealthy, at the expense of people who really deserve high status -- the good and the compassionate.

At a young age, I was made creative director of Allen and Dorward advertising. The first person I hired was Mort to be associate creative director. He was a little older and a lot wiser. He helped me understand what I needed to do and how to do it.

Mort had a wonderful, often self-deprecating, sense of humor. Mort made us laugh every day at lunch over games of liar's dice as he referred to himself as "the human jackhammer."

Sometimes you go to a funeral and a real jerk gets promoted to near sainthood. Mort's was one of the rare ones where all the praise was inadequate.

Good-bye, Hammer.

"Seated Woman" by Mort Kohn

Some Things I Don't Understand

1. I travel to the Mid-West frequently, and I often come across something called the Fifth Third Bank.

One question always comes to mind. How the hell did they come up with that name?

I have two theories. First, Fifth National Bank merged with Third National Bank. This seems the most likely explanation. The problem is, it just raises another question. Why would anyone name themselves Fifth National Bank? Or, for that matter, Third National Bank?

The second theory is even more unlikely. Someone at the bank has a sense of humor.

2. It’s amazing how much we don’t know.

When we were in school, we were taught that all matter was made of atoms. We were taught that there were four forces of nature.

Well, it turns out that those ideas are not even close. According to current theories, all the matter and all the energy we can detect constitute only about 10% of the universe. We have no idea what the other 90% of the universe is made of. Scientists call it "dark matter" and "dark energy" because they are completely clueless about what it is.

Remember, we're talking about 400 years of very rigorous science here. In this field, you don't get away with bullshit. If you think you "know" something, you better be able to prove it.

So next time some account planner tells you she "knows" what motivates consumers, gently explain to her that nobody knows anything -- especially her.

3. You ever notice when celebrity morons talk about their “past lives” they were always princesses or knights or pharaohs?

In a former life, no one was ever a dry cleaner.

"Worldwide No Blogging Week"

It is both agreeable and welcome that from time to time each citizen of this noisy and fretful planet just shuts the fuck up.

There is, perhaps, no group to whom this principle more suitably applies than the Royal and Ancient Society of Blowhards -- otherwise known as "bloggers."

Consequently, I am suggesting that bloggers throughout the world recognize and acknowledge this fact by shutting it down from August 25th through September 1st.

We will call it Worldwide No Blogging Week.

Imagine seven days of blog-free living. Voices will be lowered. Opinions will be softened. Antagonisms will evaporate. Peace and civility will obtain. It will be like Christmas, except without the reindeer.

And, besides, no one's around anyway.

Bloggers, please join me in observing Worldwide No Blogging Week, August 25 - September 1. Non-bloggers, do your part by not reading any blogs that week.

But How Will Society Survive Without Our Bullshit?
Not to worry. There's a political convention that week. There will be more than enough bullshit to go around.

I Want To Do More, How Can I Help?
Contact three bloggers. Tell them about Worldwide No Blogging Week. Ask them to do likewise. It'll be like a pyramid scheme. Except without the reindeer.