February 23, 2015

5 Bathroom Habits Of Highly Successful People.

One of the most ignored yet profound aspects of business success is what you do in "the library." That's right, what you do behind that closed door is just a mirror, or a microcosm, or something, of what you do in what I like to call "the dry world."

If you can incorporate the toilet routines of highly successful people into your personal brand, or your personal mission statement, or something, you, too, can become a really annoying billionaire.

So here are 5 "best practices" of highly successful people when they are "washing up:"

1. Look At Your Belly From The Side: Since your mirror reflects a two-dimensional image, admiring yourself head-on gives you a false impression of adequacy. You need to look at yourself from the side to realize how disgusting you really are. Lesson: You are not the same person in another dimension.  

2. Use Both Sides Of The "Bathroom Tissue." By using just one side you are being wasteful, causing Brazilians to cut down more trees, which results in deforestation, elevates the level of carbon in our atmosphere, hastens the death of the planet, and most distressingly, convinces more C students to major in environmental studies. You should be ashamed of yourself.  

3. Check For Head Lice Twice Daily: Imagine this -- it's the day of the big presentation. The client is sitting next to you at the conference table eating a blueberry bagel. Suddenly a little white animal jumps off your head and into his cream cheese! Quelle embarrassment!

4. Examine Your Nipples For Nipple Rings: If you have metallic rings through your nipples, you are probably either a porn maniac or a fucking moron. Most highly successful people are not porn maniacs or fucking morons. Well, they're not fucking morons, anyway.

 5. Always Check Behind The Shower Curtain For Bloggers. Duh.


Jeffrey Summers said...

It's a good thing this isn't a visual blog. But I love this post.

Tom said...

Off topic, but wt

The new McD slogan here in Dubai for their Grand McChicken Spicy...

Fancy isn't a place, it's a taste.

Now I realise I have lived a shy, sequestered life but whenever anyone has asked me where do I live, I've never said 'Fancy'.

Nor, when a waiter asks me how the food is, have I said 'Mmmm, fancy.'

McD's market share, profits and growth are going down the toilet (insert obvious joke here).

Fancy that.f as Mr Parker would say... I had to share this linguistic abuse.

tom said...

Sorry, half of first line ended up as last line...

marco polo said...

thank you Bad Thinker. This is the first time anyone has ever written a comment on a blog comment of mine. I'm honored it happened on adcontrarian. Disappointed tho that you didn't flame, insult, demean or otherwise call me a dipshit imbecile. And I am, since I wrote sack not sac. Your spelling prowess unmasks you as an east coast, over-educated, too liberal, pot smoking, twitter-usin snapchat wannabe.
Always next time!

Bad Thinker said...

No worries marco! A sac by any other name would smell as sweat.

LeShann said...

It's funny, without checking the video my instincts told me this was Kevin Roberts...