April 26, 2010

An Open Letter To Email Marketers

Dear Email Marketer,

I realize that it's not very expensive for you to send me email solicitations. Nonetheless, it is a waste of time and energy for you, and a source of irritation to me.

Since we are both busy people, and since neither of us is profiting from this effort, I thought I'd send you a list of things that I am not interested in. So here we go -- you may feel free to discontinue sending me emails about:
1. Inexpensive designer watches. Or inexpensive designer anything, for that matter.
2. Immersing myself in luxury in your hotel.
3. Any conference that is about digital marketing, social media, or has a keynote speaker named Colin. 
4. Any webinar about anything at all. I don't really like the word webinar, so even if the email isn't about a webinar, please don't send me any emails that contain the word webinar.
5. Lists of any kind -- including, but not limited to, CMOs, advertising prospects, or opinion leaders.
6. Buying more frequent flier miles.
7. Enlarging my penis.
8. CRM software solutions
9. Retrieving money that was left to me by a long-lost relative.
10. Inflatable advertising.
11. A Marketer's Guide To... anything.
12. Meeting a lovely, but lonely, Russian girl.
Also, I cannot read either the Cyrillic alphabet or Chinese, so you can discontinue those emails, too.

I hope this helps you decide what to send me and what to stick in your ear.

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