January 19, 2015

10 Critical Ways To Make LinkedIn Less Boring

Let's face it. LinkedIn is a freaking snore.

Unless you're a demented stalker or desperately looking for a job, what the hell is LinkedIn good for? I've been on it for about five years now and I still have no idea why.

The only personality the site has is a constant stream of tediously earnest essays entitled "10 Critical Ways To (Whatever-The-Hell-The-Author-Is-Peddling-This-Week)"

Other than that...let's be honest here. We don't really give a shit if some dry cleaner from Buffalo is looking at our profile. We want people who can make us some money, do us some good, or at least get us laid. Am I right?

So I have some ideas for the folks over at LinkedIn. Create some categories of stuff that we actually care about.

Here are 10 suggestions for some totally compelling info about our connections that would make LinkedIn a lot more interesting:
1. People you are connected to who have extra Super Bowl tickets.
2. People you used to work with who hate you and are checking to see if you're dead.
3. Super-hot nymphos who looked at your profile 
4. CEOs you're connected to who have a criminal record.
5. Guys you once slept with when you were drunk and are now no longer married.`
6. People you've done business with who are useless but have jobs you want.

7. Rich guys who can get you to Pebble Beach.

8. People who have deliciously nasty stories about your boss
9. Contacts who've had bad plastic surgery.
10. People with your same birthday who look way older than you.
See what I mean? If LinkedIn had stuff like this, I'd like them on Facebook.


Dave Weygang said...

I really wanted to share that on LinkedIn

bob hoffman said...

I'll put it up there soon

Dave Weygang said...

Good man!

KAB said...

I live in Buffalo. If Highland Cleaners looked at your profile, hide your shirts and ties.

Mike M. said...

#2 is the only explanation why former colleagues keep checking (and checking) my profile.

Adam said...

Well, clearly you've never tried to position yourself as a "thought leader", Bob.