President Obama is having a tough time with his new HealthCare.gov website. So far he's spent $394 million on it, and it doesn't even have any funny cat videos.
The President has found out what we in the civilian population have known for years -- expecting an online expert to get something right is like expecting a 16-year-old to vacuum the garage. And having an I.T. department is like having a family of blind monkeys with aluminum baseball bats.
Meanwhile, the average 14-year-old in South Korea could have built the website in about a half-hour while rubbing one out and winning a golf tournament.
There's only one group of people who can help the president now -- the people who really know what they're doing online. I think it's time for us professional marketers to step up and help the President.
So here, Mr. President, are 10 Ways To Make The Obamacare Website More Successful:
1. Change the URL to HealthCare.MILF
2. Have a section where you can upload pictures of your favorite disease
3. Appoint a healthcare "global ambassador" like Will.i.am or Lady Gaga
4. New campaign slogan: "Think it's easy running a country and a website?"
5. Have the IRS "accidentally" investigate the tax returns of everyone who doesn't sign up
6. Do some really cool shit with QR codes
7. Promotion: Enroll by January 1st and win a date with Nancy Pelosi
8. Tweet out what diseases are trending
9. If you spend over $500 on prosthetic devices, free shipping
10. Blame Bush