February 05, 2013

Let's Get Phygital With Connected Protagonists


We are so used to massive bullshit in the advertising business that it really takes something special to shock us.

I'm happy to say, however, that our industry is up to the challenge. You want bullshit that's something special? We got it.

Last weekend I came across a truly outstanding exercise in painful marketing drivel, and I'm proud to share it with you.

It is hard to believe that an agency would actually allow this nonsense on its website. But not only is it on the website, it is the lead copy on their landing page and, apparently, the underpinning of their philosophy.

Buckle up:
"Co-creating with brands and people in the Phygital world. Modern consumers are "connected protagonists." They are the heroes of their own stories and, thanks to technology, they now have access to an audience of unprecedented size. This presents brands with powerful new opportunities for growth, if brands give consumers the currency to create and share better stories. That currency is content - be it entertainment, connection, experience or information - as long as it is created with the understanding that we live in a Phygital world, where the physical and digital parts of our lives are one and the same. We believe that only through co-creating currency with brands and people - instead of for people - can you guarantee authentic engagements that consumers value and want to share. Momentum provides to marketers - in thought and action - the ideas that engage the connected protagonist to build value for brands and people."
Wow. Let's forget all the usual hogwash -- the co-creating, and the engaging, and the sharing, and the currency (note to author -- you seem to have forgotten "ecosystem." Points off.) Let's get to the fun stuff.

The "connected protagonist." He sounds like an amiable guy with an unsevered umbilicus.

And how are you gonna beat Phygital? I mean, c'mon. It's awesome. It's Stupiculous! If they gave awards for just plain dumbness, Phygital would get double platinum. Maybe quadruple (what comes after quadruple?)

Which gets me thinking. They give awards for everything else in the ad business. Why not for the only thing we're really good at -- bullshit?





21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Prime candidate for this http://agencywank.tumblr.com/

Anonymous said...

They are taking the 'connected protagonist' and running with it.

Check out this post by their UK 'Director of Insight and Strategy': http://www.brandrepublic.com/opinion/1155328/think-br-return-community/

Last paragraph is a cracker: "... brands must stand for something people actively care about. Does it need to be something that relates directly to your product? Not necessarily. Does there need to be proof that your business actually cares? Absolutely."

George Tannenbaum said...

I worked at this shit hole of an agency. I was fired from it.

You don't know the half of their stupidity.

Hayes Ben Thompson said...

Don't forget their creative manifesto...

... as a PDF!

http://www.momentumww.com/assets/pdf/Creative_Manifesto.pdf

KL said...

Quintuple! But I think bullsh*t accumulates geometrically!

Kim Miller said...

Here's a great little book on the subject (apologies to AC if this eats into your sales). This guy was on Jon Stewart a few years ago. http://www.amazon.com/On-Bullshit-Harry-G-Frankfurt/dp/0691122946
BTW, AC -- have you peddled your book on the Daily Show? Get on that!

geoff said...

I always wonder what the feedback loop is that encourages this type of wankery. Is it clients eating it up? Is it clueless CMOs saying "golly, they sound smartish"?

Or is it just endless conferences with bunches of the same people running around giving talks to each other?

glasgowdick said...

Now anybody can write like that, thanks to the helpful folks at dack.

http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html

Michael M said...

Phygital....physical and digital. This sounds like a prostate exam. Which also sounds like a far more pleasant experience than dealing with this pack of twats.

dave trott said...

Reading it makes me Fidgetal.

Robert Coyle said...

I agree with Dave. - Fidgetal

Chris S. said...

I am dumber having read that. My IQ lost at least a point. There should be a warning or something.

Anonymous said...

Holy f*ck - not only did they coin Phygital, they trademarked it!!

Bob said...

The last time I got Phygital, I sprained my Penisticles.

Anonymous said...

What the phuck!

I just drank a dozen Miller Lites. Apparently that makes me a hero of my own story instead drunk mess.

Paul Benjou said...

I just threw up in my mouth

Anonymous said...

"Digical"

BOOM.

That one's on the house, Momentum.

Anonymous said...

Funny, that's actually how my 6-year old pronounces Physical.

Patrick said...

I think you should trademark Stupiculous. It's the only word that can properly be used as an adverb with Phygital. But it always needs to always go only with Phygital. As in "It was phygitally stupiculous." Hourly rates at your agency could go up handsomely on this concept.

Anonymous said...

I'm with George T.
I also used to work at this agency, and you really don't know the half of it.

The CEO thinks he knows what he doesn't know, which is always very dangerous.

Anonymous said...

You still have guns there don't you? Why do the loonies in the US have such poor taste in targets.

Not that I am suggesting for one minute.......