Several months ago, here at The Ad Contrarian, we wrote a satirical memo from a fictitious agency CEO which included this paragraph:
"We must realize that in today’s inter-globally connected world, inter-connectivity is globular. And maybe not just globular, but inter-globular! Our clients expect that our inter-globularity will exceed their expectations and create the opportunity for a multi-channel globuverse."
Yesterday, we posted an actual quote from the CEO of PepsiCo Beverages...
"[Before] it was more of a global coordination as opposed to a global management," Mr. d'Amore said. "Technology, both social networks and mobile platforms, have created this global generation. We really want to connect our global brands with the global generation, and the best way to do that is with global management."
These days, there's a very fine line between satire and marketing.
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An Amazon #1 Best Seller
"Delusional thinking isn't just acceptable in marketing today -- it's mandatory."
"Shakespeare was a storyteller. You're a copywriter."
"Good ads appeal to us as consumers. Great ads appeal to us as humans."
"As an ad medium, the web is a much better yellow pages and a much worse television."
"Sometimes success in the advertising business requires sitting quietly and letting clients proceed with their hysterical delusions."
"Marketers prefer precise answers that are wrong to imprecise answers that are right."
"Brand studies last for months, cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, and generally have less impact on business than cleaning the drapes."
"The idea that the same consumer who was frantically clicking her TV remote to escape from advertising was going to merrily click her mouse to interact with it is going to go down as one of the great advertising delusions of all time."
"Nobody really knows what "creativity" is. Every year thousands of people take a pilgrimage to find out. This involves flying to Cannes, snorting cocaine, and having sex with smokers."
"Marketers habitually overestimate the attraction of new things and underestimate the power of traditional consumer behavior."
"We don’t get them to try our product by convincing them to love our brand. We get them to love our brand by convincing them to try our product."
"In American business, there is nothing stupider than the previous generation of management."
"If the message is right, who cares what screen people see it on? If the message is wrong, what difference does it make?"
"The only form of product information on the planet less trustworthy than advertising is the shrill ravings of web maniacs."
"There's no bigger sucker than a gullible marketer convinced he's missing a trend."
"All ad campaigns are branding campaigns. Whether you intend it to be a branding campaign is irrelevant. It will create an impression of your brand regardless of your intent."
"Nobody ever got famous predicting that things would stay pretty much the same."
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"One of our truly great marketing iconoclasts" Prof. Mark Ritson
An Amazon #1 Best Seller
Nominated for Marketing Book of the Year
"The Best Speaker We've Ever Had"
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"I wish I'd been brave enough to be this rude"
Prof. Byron Sharp, author "How Brands Grow"
"Caustic Yet Truthful"
The Wall Street Journal
"WARNING: This book will make you laugh out loud."
Time, Inc
"The Most Provocative Man In Advertising"
Fuel Lines
"Savage Critiques Of Digital Hype"
The Financial Times
"Fabulously Irreverent"
Time, Inc.
Ad Contrarian Says:
"Social Media: Tens of millions of disagreeable people looking to make trouble."
"Creative people make the ads. Everyone else makes the arrangements."
"Delusional thinking isn't just acceptable in marketing today -- it's mandatory."
"Shakespeare was a storyteller. You're a copywriter."
"Good ads appeal to us as consumers. Great ads appeal to us as humans."
"As an ad medium, the web is a much better yellow pages and a much worse television."
"Sometimes success in the advertising business requires sitting quietly and letting clients proceed with their hysterical delusions."
"Marketers prefer precise answers that are wrong to imprecise answers that are right."
"Brand studies last for months, cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, and generally have less impact on business than cleaning the drapes."
"The idea that the same consumer who was frantically clicking her TV remote to escape from advertising was going to merrily click her mouse to interact with it is going to go down as one of the great advertising delusions of all time."
"Nobody really knows what "creativity" is. Every year thousands of people take a pilgrimage to find out. This involves flying to Cannes, snorting cocaine, and having sex with smokers."
"Marketers habitually overestimate the attraction of new things and underestimate the power of traditional consumer behavior."
"We don’t get them to try our product by convincing them to love our brand. We get them to love our brand by convincing them to try our product."
"In American business, there is nothing stupider than the previous generation of management."
"If the message is right, who cares what screen people see it on? If the message is wrong, what difference does it make?"
"The only form of product information on the planet less trustworthy than advertising is the shrill ravings of web maniacs."
"There's no bigger sucker than a gullible marketer convinced he's missing a trend."
"All ad campaigns are branding campaigns. Whether you intend it to be a branding campaign is irrelevant. It will create an impression of your brand regardless of your intent."
"Nobody ever got famous predicting that things would stay pretty much the same."
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