Wankfest 3000

If you're like me, you get about 5 emails a day imploring you to go to some horrifying conference about The History of Search Engine Optimization or some equally terrifying subject.

Usually, these conferences are produced by amateur bullshit artists like the 4As, and feature speakers who are also amateur bullshit artists -- like agency CEOs and digital masters of the universe.

But what if professional bullshit artists put on an agency conference? That's right, I mean bloggers!

If ad bloggers put on an advertising conference imagine the fun.

It would be like a toga-party version of a 4As convention. I even have a name for it (which I stole from the great George Parker) Wankfest 3000.

We'd have it at some dreadful sink-hole in Las Vegas. 

We could have expert panels on topics like...

• I Got Your Digital Solution Right Here
• Social Media Consultants: Is Waterboarding Enough?
• 5 Surefire Ways To Nail The Receptionist

I think we'd kick it off with a little parade. Then we'd have a "come-as-your-favorite-agency-holding-company" party. Next we'd have an account planner pie-throwing contest.

Finally, we'd gather up everyone in the industry with the word "Global" in their title and make them walk down to Dairy Queen in their underwear and bring us back Blizzards.

Then everyone could get shit-faced and spend 2 days sleeping it off. And it would all be tax-deductible!

Who's in?