THE PHONELESS PHONE
Hey...old person...yeah, you...I have news.
Apparently email is over. Done. Kaput.
I discovered this slowly as my emails to my daughter went unanswered. When I asked about it I was told, "I never check my email."
At first I chalked this up to standard teen pigheadedness. But then I realized she really doesn't check her email.
I spoke to other old farts. I found out that some kids don't even have email addresses anymore. Too old fashioned.
Also, their cell phones are not used for talking. They are mainly texting devices.
Here's a new product idea: a cell phone with no phone.
It probably exists already, right?
CELEBRITY MORON ROUNDUP
A few weeks ago, celebrity moron Susan Sarandon said that if John McCain won the election she would leave the country. So far, so good.
But now, celebrity moron Stephen Baldwin says that if Barack Obama wins he'll leave the country. We've got a problem here people.
But wait... isn't every problem an opportunity?
Here's the plan: we get all the Hollywood nitwits to commit to leaving the country if one or the other candidate wins. Then we get McCain and Obama to agree to a co-presidency (hey, they can't hate each other as much as the Clintons, and they had a co-presidency.)
Everybody wins. Everyone's candidate is in the White House. And the country is rid of hundreds of big-mouth creeps who think we give a shit about their stupid opinions.
What is an actor's genius? He's good at pretending.