My New Year's resolutions for 2008:
1. I will vote for the first presidential candidate who can complete a sentence without mentioning god.
2. I will strike dead anyone in my employ using any of the following words: engagement, branding, aspirational, counterintuitive, webinar, or quirky.
3. I will stop sending those pictures to Katie Couric.
4. I will buy a new Samsung TV because it is the official HDTV of the National Football League (who knew?)
5. I will have an open mind toward new ideas, new people, and new ways of doing things. (Pause. Laughter.)
6. I will rotate my tires and floss my teeth. Or the other way around.
7. I will ask my doctor whether Lunesta is right for me.
8. I will exercise less and eat more unhealthy foods (it's nice to have one resolution you know you'll keep.)
9. I will write a book called "Death By Branding."
10. I will not inject performance enhancing substances into Roger Clemens's ass.
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