February 18, 2016

Annals Of Literary Criticism


Dear Geraldine:

So nice to hear you're not a prude. I understand. You're just someone who doesn't like references to sex or sexual activity or adult language. That's not being a prude! That's just being a...something else... like a chipmunk or something.

You are so right about there being no place for the "f-word" in marketing. Marketing is a virtuous and much admired profession. We should never permit the unsavory habits of art and literature to sully our blessed calling.

You know, I've tried reading some of the so-called "works" of Ernest Hemingway and James Joyce and D. H. Lawrence and Allen Ginsberg, and Norman Mailer and Erica Jong and Nora Ephron and Philip Roth and John Updike. What a REAL turnoff.

Why do they have to use that word that I'm not even going to describe as the letter "f" and then the "-word" thing because all that does is make me think of the actual word which makes me REAL REAL sick and all I can picture are disgusting, sweaty body parts all wet and slippery jiggling around. And then I have to take a sponge bath or drink some tea (herbal) or something.

I mean, what's wrong with "doggone it" or "jeepers?" I'd like to know that from some of these so-called "hep cats."

Can I ask a favor? Next time you write a review of a book of mine, please don't say "f -word"  because I find it a REAL REAL REAL turnoff. Maybe you can call it "the word that makes everyone throw up who is NOT a prude" or something.

Next I want to thank you for taking the trouble to read 2 pages of my book before you wrote your review. Believe it or not, some people will write a review after reading only 1 1/2 pages. Lazy b-words.

Knowing that there are awesome people like you out there who are NOT prudes and have the integrity to finish 2 pages before posting a review makes writing so much more gratifying.

Your friend (or should I say f-word?)


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