March 13, 2013

Exit Interview With Pope Benedict XVI

As you may have heard, there is an election going on at the Vatican. In 1268, electing a new Pope took over 2 years (that was before touch-screen voting.)

In order to keep my readers fully informed I recently traveled to Castel Gandolfo where I had an exit interview with newly retired Pope Benedict XVI (Roman numerals can only be used by Popes and Super Bowls. Look it up.)

Pope Benedict (real name: Joseph Ratzinger) turned out to be a totally cool guy and was really into the exit interview thing. Here’s a quick recap:
  • Likes to be called:  Ben; Benny
  • Didn’t like to be called: Your Total Popeness; JoeyRats; Ratzo 
  • Best thing about being Pope: "I love working with people. And God." 
  • Worst thing: Writing annual performance reviews for the Cardinals
  • Most proud of:  The kitchen remodel in the Papal apartments
  • Biggest mistake: Should have taken the Ravens and points
  • Future of the Church: "One word -- mobile"
  • Core competencies for next Pope:  1) sense of humor 2) should know some html 3) "believe it or not, it's a big plus if he can make a killer lasagna."
  • Favorite singer: Wilson Pickett 
  • Favorite band: Abba 
  • Favorite app: Papal (I think he meant PayPal -- TAC)
  • If he wasn't Pope: "I don't know, maybe dentist or copywriter." 
  • Wishes he had more time for: Working out
  • Best subject in seminary: Heresy In Twentieth Century Cinema
  • Worst subject: Algebra ("Quadratic equations? Like I'm gonna use that?")
  • Favorite TV program: Antiques Roadshow
  • Favorite movie: Anything with Jonah Hill
  • Likes to: Slow dance 
  • Pet peeve: Vatican internet “crazy slow.”


Rich Grimshaw said...

Thanks for the humor, Bob.  It must be tough to come up with a good reason to resign the papacy and retire from being the leader of the worldwide catholic church.  I mean, you just can't chalk it up to "wanting to spend more time with the family."

Thomas Ratkins said...

You are old.

Philip Tetley-Jones said...

I think you will find that roman numerals can also be used by Rocky sequels.