December 09, 2011

The Gold Medal In Jargonomics

Congratulations to Sprint's CMO for winning The Ad Contrarian first Gold Medal in Jargonomics. He managed to cram a remarkable stinking, reeking heap of CMO double-talk into one sentence yesterday as he announced he had fired Goodby.

Before we get to the winning sentence, let's talk about the context. Apparently this ninny fell for the oldest agency gag in the book -- the "integrated network alliance." Publicis conned this rube into believing that by pulling in agencies from across their network and branding this hodgepodge "Team Sprint" they would be getting some extra-special double-secret agency goodness. This doesn't even pass the giggle test.

Anyone who's ever spent 15 minutes in one of these holding company fusterclucks knows that he'll get two weeks of smiley play-acting and then a lifetime of back-biting, petty jealousies, and internecine warfare.

But I digress...

And now, the winning entry:
"Team Sprint, a brand-dedicated agency ecosystem, provides an integrated, collaborative environment where the focus is on consumer needs today and in the future." 
This guy is seriously demented. First of all, how do you write such mind-numbing bullshit and think anyone is going to believe you're anything but a clown? Then, how does he knows what Team Sprint "provides?" It doesn't even exist yet.

He has written what is essentially a PR release for the agency that, if the agency had written it, would get them laughed out of any self-respecting bar in America.

Here's how our judges scored him:
  • 10 points for "ecosystem"
  • 10 points for "collaborative"
  • 9 points for "brand-dedicated"
  • 9 points for "integrated"
  • 8 points for "environment"
  • 5 points for "today and in the future"
That's 51 points in one sentence. A very impressive performance.

I'm sure there are CMO jargonistas all over the world seething with envy.

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