September 06, 2011

Mr. President, Here's An Idea

Here at The Ad Contrarian World Headquarters, we are always looking for ways to help our industry and our country. Later this week, President Obama is going to make an important speech about the economy. A few years ago, we had a fabulous idea for improving the economy. As usual, no one paid any attention. We are going to proffer it again today in the hope that the American people will see the merit of this idea and rise up to demand its immediate implementation.

I have an idea that I think we can all agree on. It won't create any further hardship for a single American citizen, and will save the country a lot money.

I think we need to do more recycling.

Specifically, I think we need to recycle our laws. I don't think we need new laws every year. We should use our laws for two years.

If we only need a new president every four years, why do we need new laws every year?

Each year our elected officials make thousands of new laws. And to tell you the truth, I can't really tell the difference. I mean, what was the difference between, say, 2007's laws and 2008's? Did all those guys really need to ride around in limos for twelve months and have hearings and caucuses and debates and televised town meetings? Do you remember noticing a difference? I don't.

So let's say we only make new laws on even numbered years. Then every odd year we can send all our federal, state, and municipal lawmakers home and close down their offices. They can get back to annoying their families instead of us. This will save the country a lot of money and, honestly, who's gonna know? 

Frankly, I don't think we have a shortage of laws. I think there are plenty of them. And if we're careful, we ought to be able to squeeze another year out of the ones we already have.

If you don't have enough laws where you are, my neighbors and I here in California will be happy to let you use some of ours.

I acknowledge that sending our legislators home may have an adverse economic affect on certain industries, like prostitution. Also the phenomenal growth of social media may slow as the number of naughty tweets drops significantly. But isn't it all about trade-offs?

We can make the idea palatable to both Democrats and Republicans by giving it a fancy Washington-style name like "The Sustainable Legislation Act of 2011." We'll tell them we're just trying to preserve our precious statutory resources.

Here are some other benefits of this idea:
  • 50% less shouting on cable tv
  • Lessen our dependence on foreign oil and reduce global warming because congressmen won't be flying off to China and France on "fact-finding" missions every Monday morning
  • Reduce the number of political blogs from a trillion to half a trillion
  • Maybe with more time on their hands they'll get better face lifts and hair plugs
Frankly, I think we can do just fine recycling last year's laws. They weren't so bad.

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