May 23, 2011

Enhancing Your Global World, One Awesome Click At A Time

Subject:  Your Ads

Yo Steve,

We are reaching out to you because you (obviously) need help with your advertising.

Apple advertising looks just like it did 20 years ago. It's a product surrounded by a white background and some copy. You call that creative? Hello?

Dude, in case you haven't noticed, the world has changed in 20 years! Ever hear of the iPod? Or the iPhone? Oh, wait a minute...

Well, anyway, maybe your ads haven't changed but the consumer sure has!

Consumers now want to have a conversation with you in the digital space. Engagement  is created when you systematically engagify with the values of consumers within the system of their engagement ecosystem.

Today's hyper-connected consumers do not want a one-way monologue from brands that talk down to them. Today, the consumer is in charge (then comes Donald Trump, and then the Speaker of the House.) 

Dude, you don't even have a blog or a Facebook page or a Twitter feed. My mother has those. Maybe you know her. She's an old dinosaur, too (just kidding!)

Apple is still trying to force-feed a brand identity to digitally savvy consumers who, nowadays, are in control of your brand whether you like it or not. There is not even an RQ code on any of your ads (and by the way, a couple of honeys with big ones like those babes in those awesome beer ads wouldn't hurt either!)

Now the good news!

Using our proprietary method for consumer insight development called the Consumer Engagement Metric Globulator we have developed an awesome ad campaign for Apple. It will create a tsunami of consumer engagement and brand resonance and social currency and all the rest of that stuff.

It will be a totally integrated campaign (with the exception of television which, as you know, consumers have no use for anymore.) The concept is:
Apple. Enhancing Your Global World, One Awesome Click At A Time!
Yes, it is awesome! We have tested this campaign concept with an online panel using our proprietary research methodology known as the Consumer Research Metric Globulator and it has blown away all our previous standards of metric globularity.

This campaign has it all. First, it's not just about the products anymore. We've laddered up the hierarchy of benefits so the campaign is about your world! (And what a world it is when you engage with the Apple brand in the Apple ecosystem!)

Second, by using the phrase "one click at a time" we are demonstrating that we are totally in tune with today's hyper-connected post-millennial consumer!

The campaign will take all that money you're wasting on TV and billboards (traditional media) and put it where your customers are (the coolest new thing -- social media!)  Do you know that there are now more people on Facebook than there are in the entire world?

The campaign will be centered on a consumer-facing social media initiative called "The Awesome Apple Click That Enhanced The Global World." It will be anchored by a website in the digital space and a Facebook page in the digital space where consumers in the digital space can nominate someone in the digital space who made an awesome difference with his Apple product. In the digital space.

Then we'll let consumers vote for the entry they think was most awesomest. They can vote on Twitter, or Facebook, or on a mobile device or at a Mobil gas station. They can make videos and post them on YouTube. My mom can make the popcorn.

For the first time ever, Apple will be leveraging the online mobile social media ecosystem to create inter-active social currency among engaged consumers in the conversational ecosystem! That's two ecosystems in one sentence!

Steve, I know what you're thinking... "sounds good, but how do we make this idea experiential?"

Dude, we're one step ahead of you... again! We take it to retail!

Every time one of your "geniuses" fixes a problem at the Genius Bar, we'll have all the other geniuses say (in unison) "Well, that was an awesome click that enhanced the world" (not in a snotty way, you know, in a kind of playful way.)

And we'll convert your customers into brand ambassadors by giving them buttons that say "With Apple, The Whole World Is Now Global!"

Plus, we haven't forgotten about the girls with big ones. We'll hire some (stripper?) street teams to invade restaurants and bars with "I've Been Globally Enhanced" t-shirts (really tight!)

As you can see, Steve, the hard work is already done. All we need to do now is activate this concept. It's time for Apple to crawl out of its cave and wake up and smell the conversation! We're ready to go right now. You can reach us by clicking here.

I think it will be The Awesome Click That Enhanced Apple's Global World!

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