May 24, 2010

Top 10 Music Moron Tweets

Here at Ad Contrarian world headquarters, we are often dismayed and alarmed at the amount of attention and respect that is given to entertainers. There was once a sensible age in which entertainers were called "fools."

Because they have contrived to become famous, they are often also assumed to have intellect, character and judgment. Gazing at the magazine rack at a supermarket check-out lane should quickly relieve us of any such illusions, but alas...

One of the malicious satisfactions of being an anonymous nobody is in pointing out what pathetic dimwits most of these famous people actually are. Which leads us to today's post.

It was bright and sunny one recent morning. I was enjoying my second cup. The laptop was affixed firmly to the top of my lap as I lounged sleepily on the sofa. Suddenly I saw it: Billboard magazine's Top 20 Tweets of the Week.
"Here's our round-up of singers', rockers' and rappers' 20 coolest and funnest tweets from the past seven days."
Yes, that's right -- funnest.

Even for someone who is absolutely clueless about pop culture, and has no idea who most of these cretins are, this was totally irresistible.

Now the truth is, some of these tweets are "funner" than others -- also, you have work to do this morning. So I've done a little editing for you.

Here we have The Ad Contrarian Top 10 Music Moron Tweets of the Week.

@keshasuxx (Ke$ha): Dearest David Spade ... I wanna lick your Joe DiRt mullet're the epitome of aREAL MAN in that movie.I salute you
@katyperry : I could really use a crunk juice iv right now.
@justinbieber : internet in the air...sweet
@Pink (P!nk): i get to go play in the dirt this weekend and watch @hartluck race big trucks. which basically means drink and shut my eyes and pray.
@PerezHilton : GaGa would happily be a newcomer over a tired old hasbeen! Yeah, I'm talking about YOU #ChristinaAguileea. You ain't no @BritneySpears !
@CourtneyLoveUK (Courtney Love): apparently all i do is LAMENT! thank GOD i am an empath and i fucking hate being an empath too, i feel way too much too much of the time
@_maxwell_ : why am i at this WHITECASTLE drive thru in #INDIANA?
@questlove (The Roots' Questlove): snap!!! Ronnie James Dio passed?!?!??!!?!?!?!? awwww man. so many cats put me on to him. dude was so loved by these cats. #rip
@jeweljk (Jewel): It looks like a drag queen and a hippie exploded in my purse: lotions, potions, vitamins & enough make up to make Rue Paul jealuus
@EstelleDarlings : Walked. Down. 35 flights. Of. Steep stairs. I am looking at this positively: my legs look "worked out" and therefore good in pumpum shorts
@samantharonson : Throwing one dollar bills in the air and then sending someone to retrieve them..... Not a baller move. A smart move, but baller free.
Is this the funnest, or what?

Amazing "virality" to last week's post "Why Creatives Are Always Confused." Must have touched a nerve. According to some site that measures such things, it was re-tweeted several hundred times. According to Alltop, at one point last week we had the #2 and #3 "Most Topular" advertising posts. Not bad for a cranky old fart.

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