May 04, 2016

This Week In Bullshit


One of the essential factors that has lead to the longevity of this blog is our access to the extraordinary abundance and diversity of bullshit in the advertising business.

Today we are honoring that heritage with a round-up of some of our favorite recent instances of marketing and advertising drivel.

We'll start with McDonald's. Last week, McDonald's announced they were beginning a search for a new agency. McDonald's CMO couldn't just say, "We need new ideas." That would have been too clear and simple. Instead she stitched together a breathtaking tapestry of cliches and jargon which perfectly represent the contemporary state of PMH (Professional Marketing Horseshit.)
"To be the modern and progressive company that we want to be, we have to create more immersive consumer engagement. We need the support of an omnichannel integrated agency resource that can support our marketing efforts today and then prepare us also as the future continues to evolve."
While "omnichannel integrated agency resource" is pretty damn majestic, I am particularly partial to "immersive engagement." Although as someone who's been involved in a few immersive engagements, I think you're way better off with a quick movie and dinner.

Next we have a little video clip that is not only entertaining (in a 'makes-you-wanna-kill-yourself' kinda way) but is actually educational. In case you've ever wondered what a "Digital Analytics Manager" does, you're about to find out.

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Yes, you heard that right -- he said "in our day-to-day lifes." By the way, the editor of this piece is now facing a firing squad. To make this even more delicious, the geniuses at Netbase (whatever the hell that is) who apparently put this thing together spelled the name of the agency wrong.


Finally, Coke announced new package design recently. But in the jive-speak of package design it is never just package design. We have Coca-Cola's vice president for "global design" to thank for this lovely bit of PMH:
“When applied across packaging, retail, equipment and experiential, this new approach becomes a global design language that utilises a historical brand icon"
You knew we couldn't get through a post about bullshit without a little globularity. And I'm very gratified to learn that "experiential" is now a noun.

As the sun sets gently on the rotting carcass of a once-proud industry, I will allow Mel Brooks and Bea Arthur the last word...
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