May 16, 2016

6 New Types Of Intelligence

A few decades ago, during the hysteria of the "everyone-is-exceptional" era, hipster psychologists decided that intelligence didn't mean what we thought it meant.

They decided you didn't have to be smart to be intelligent. Instead, everyone was intelligent. Even CMOs.

You see, all these people we thought of as nitwits just had different kinds of intelligence than, you know, smart people.

So Stephen Hawking and Gwyneth Paltrow were equally intelligent, just in different ways.

There was "interpersonal" intelligence and "spatial" intelligence and "turtle feeding" intelligence and all kinds of intelligence we never even knew existed, but turned out to be worm-holes in the space-time continuum for well-below-average people to be considered smart in their own stupid way.

Well, I've been rethinking this whole thing and I've come up with what I think are the important new types of intelligence for the modern era. Here we go:

                                                           6 New Types Of Intelligence

I have identified 6 new types of intelligence that the modern person has to have to succeed in the world.

1. Pizza Intelligence
You're out with your friends. When the waiter slaps that pie on the table some people are capable of quickly gauging the slice with the right proportions of cheese to sauce to pepperoni before they make their grab. And if it comes with pineapple, they are able to smoothly slide to the next table unnoticed.

2.  Powerpoint Intelligence
There are people who have figured out how to change line spacing in Powerpoint. I'm not shitting you.

3.  Hockey Intelligence
Why are toothless men on ice sliding around beating the shit out of each other? There's a reason. But without hockey intelligence you're just too fucking stupid to get it.

4.  French Intelligence
Have you ever tried speaking like a real Frenchman without spitting all over everything? It can be done.

5.  Clock Radio Intelligence
If you've been in a hotel room lately and you've tried to set the alarm clock, I think you know what I'm talking about.

6. Vagina Intelligence
What in the world goes on down there?

So how did you do?

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