Just when you think the online advertising industry can't get any more absurd, they prove once again how groundbreakingly awesome they are.
The current buffoonery is over "viewability."
You see, twenty years into online advertising, advertisers are finally getting their heads out of their behinds and realizing that about half the ads they have been paying for are not viewable.
We're not talking here about the 99.9% of online ads that are ignored because they are so fucking ugly and stupid. We're talking about 50% of all ads that are supposed to appear on a page but don't.
Even if someone was dumb enough to want to look at these things they can't because they ain't there.
Of course, the online publishing industry is shocked... shocked I tell you!
You wanted your ads to be VIEWABLE? Oh, why didn't you say so? We thought you just wanted to pay us for...well, for being like so hip and cutting edge and totally techno and having like metrics and data and shit.So now the morons who have been buying this crap for 20 years are playing hardball with the publishers. They are insisting that their ads be viewable. Next these bedwetters will be going to restaurants insisting that their meals be edible. Whiners.
But here's the best part.
The Media Ratings Council (whoever the hell they are) has an official standard for "viewability." If half the pixels of an ad are viewable for one continuous second, the ad is deemed to be "Officially Viewable."
I love the "one continuous second" thing. Because, you know, if half the pixels are viewable for, like, two halves of a second, that shit just ain't gonna work. But one continuous second, well, that's advertising gold!
Here's what an agency research genius has to say about this:
"...calling for more than one second in-view would be difficult to execute, potentially pushing the pendulum too far..."Oh no, we wouldn't want to push that pendulum past one second. Someone might actually notice the fucking thing.
Amazingly, this quote appears in an article entitled "The Viewability Debate: Being Seen Is Good, but One Second Isn't Enough" -- written by the same person who is afraid to push the pendulum past one second. Someone is very confused.
Well, whatever the agency and research dimwits have to say, the bottom line is this -- you have to give the online advertising sales industry credit. It takes an astounding degree of artistry and talent to grow at double digit rates when you're selling something that is:
- About 50% invisible
- About 60% infested with non-humans
- Virtually ignored by consumers
- And largely impossible to track
