As you may have heard, there is an election going on at the Vatican. In 1268, electing a new Pope took over 2 years (that was before touch-screen voting.)
In order to keep my readers fully informed I recently traveled to Castel Gandolfo where I had an exit interview with newly retired Pope Benedict XVI (Roman numerals can only be used by Popes and Super Bowls. Look it up.)
Pope Benedict (real name: Joseph Ratzinger) turned out to be a totally cool guy and was really into the exit interview thing. Here’s a quick recap:
- Likes to be called: Ben; Benny
- Didn’t like to be called: Your Total Popeness; JoeyRats; Ratzo
- Best thing about being Pope: "I love working with people. And God."
- Worst thing: Writing annual performance reviews for the Cardinals
- Most proud of: The kitchen remodel in the Papal apartments
- Biggest mistake: Should have taken the Ravens and points
- Future of the Church: "One word -- mobile"
- Core competencies for next Pope: 1) sense of humor 2) should know some html 3) "believe it or not, it's a big plus if he can make a killer lasagna."
- Favorite singer: Wilson Pickett
- Favorite band: Abba
- Favorite app: Papal (I think he meant PayPal -- TAC)
- If he wasn't Pope: "I don't know, maybe dentist or copywriter."
- Wishes he had more time for: Working out
- Best subject in seminary: Heresy In Twentieth Century Cinema
- Worst subject: Algebra ("Quadratic equations? Like I'm gonna use that?")
- Favorite TV program: Antiques Roadshow
- Favorite movie: Anything with Jonah Hill
- Likes to: Slow dance
- Pet peeve: Vatican internet “crazy slow.”