2011 may have been an astonishingly stinky year, but one thing you have to say -- it's been a fabulous year for bullshit.
Since bullshit is our beat, we thought we'd make a list of the varieties of bullshit that made 2011 such a delight. So here is the 2011 Top 10 Best of Bullshit.
We'll count 'em down from #10 to #1:
10. Mobile Phone Bullshit: It's the era of 4G and every phone company has the best blazing-fast 4G network in the universe. So, one question -- how come I still can't get my f/ing email?
9. Nutrition Bullshit: Usuga beans grown only in the Olduvai Gorge make your liver lovelier and your pancreas pancre-asskickin'.
8. "Reaching Out" Bullshit: If I hear one more dimwit say they "reached out" to someone there will be blood in the streets.
7. Security Bullshit: Note to Congress: hundreds of otherwise unemployable people standing around airports scowling at us while they do nothing doesn't make us feel safer.
6. Parenting Bullshit: Please, 12 pictures a day of your precious spawn on Facebook is a dozen more than we need.
5. Movie Bullshit: An amazing year. Check the ads. Every movie released was "the best film of the year."
4. Exercise Bullshit: We are all thrilled that you ran a 500K potato sack race. Really, we are.
3. Foodie Bullshit: I don't care how many stars that precious new restaurant has, there's nothing they make that's better than a pizza.
2. Celebrity Bullshit: One giant, pathetic freak show. A few hundred years ago entertainers were called 'fools.' Today fools are called entertainers.
1. Wine Bullshit: Just shut the hell up and pour it.