In The Year 2015

If you're looking for a good reason to stick a knife in your head, I highly recommend an article in this week's Ad Age about the future of the agency business.

In a piece called What Will Agencies Look Like in 2015 we learn that, once again, everything is going to change! Imagine that. (Apparently, trade pubs stay in business by validating hysterical readers' fears that everything is always changing. On the other hand, as I'm sure you've noticed, here at The Ad Contrarian nothing ever changes.)

Some examples of the big changes to come: Today's moronic titles like Chief Creative Meddler and Global Brand Sanitizer aren't stupid enough. So the article claims that in 2015 we'll have titles like... "Chief Choreographer."

By the way, I think this is great because from what I remember of our agency Christmas party, most of our copywriters need help with their dance routines.

Also in 2015 "data will dominate all agency activity." This is very exciting because today, as far as I can tell, hostility and petty jealousy dominate all agency activity.

The main thing we have to understand is that ideas won't be important in the year 2015. As a matter of fact, ideas and creativity aren't much to be found in this article.

"Creative directors...will be overshadowed by experts... in all aspects of the new-media world -- from strategy and channel expertise to campaign execution, analytics and beyond." 

The orchestra will no longer need musicians. Just piano tuners.

You see, it's all going to be about technology.

"As the ultimate enabler in the new digital age, technology will no longer play a tangential role...the agencies with the best developers will be the new leaders."

It seems like us copywriters will not be necessary. That's okay. Let's watch these data geniuses argue with the fucking account planners and see how they like it.

We'll be practicing our dance numbers.

We cannot allow this futuristic baloney to go by without paying homage to the worst #1 hit in the history of pop music...