The economy is in the toilet. The ad industry is a disaster. Asteroids are heading toward Earth. Web pornography is warping the minds of our children. Grown men and women are relentlessly Tweeting each other.
Yes, my friend, the end is near.
But who gives a shit?
It's Opening Day. I'm going to have a hot dog and a beer. I'm going to sit in the sunshine till the back of my neck is red and raw and my ass stings like a shot of tequila on a bad patch of strep throat.
What the hell, I'm having two hot dogs.
Once a year, every aspect of life should have an Opening Day. Every business should have one. Every friendship should have one. Every family should have one.
A day when everything starts over. When all of last year's successes and failures go into the record book, never to be discussed again. A day when the slate is clean and the possibilities are unlimited. A day when you call in sick-and-tired; when you leave the fucking Blackberry in the glove compartment; when you go somewhere where the grass is perfect and the people are unaccountably cheerful.
It's Opening Day. Play fucking ball!