Advertising's Final Solution

Good news!

We no longer need creative people in advertising.

We can finally get rid of those annoying, whiney, pains-in-the-ass.

According to The New York Times there's a new software program developed by an agency called BETC Euro RSCG,  that can generate advertising by itself.

But before we get to the software, let's talk about the agency for a minute.

Does an agency really need 8 initials? I mean, the whole name is only twelve letters long -- BETC Euro RSCG. And eight of them are initials.  Maybe they should have used their software program.

Well, anyway, according to the Times, this program can generate up to 200,000 "perfectly acceptable" ads for print, billboards, or banners. This sounds to me like an improvement because, honestly, I've seen a lot of banner ads that were perfectly awful, but I don't think I've ever seen one that was perfectly acceptable.

Now that computers can write and design ads, we can get down to the real business of advertising -- you know, meetings and downloads and uploads and briefings and off-sites and powerpoints and metrics and brand audits and deep dives.

We don't have to pretend we're in a "creative" business anymore. We can just do the things we're good at -- imitation anthropology, sidewalk psychology, strategy torturing, and data misinterpretation.

No more of that so-called "creativity" bullshit.

Thanks to Sharon Krinsky for the heads-up on this.

Does Your Brand Truly Care? Truly?

Last weekend I read a blog post in the American Express Open Forum. It was called Serving Is the New Selling: How to be a 'Brand Butler.'

That's right -- a 'Brand Butler.'

Here's what I learned...

"...customers expect that the brands they do business with truly care."

Thank goodness someone in marketing finally gets it!

I want my brands to truly care about me! That's right, ME! I've had it with brands that don't understand me as a person; or even worse, don't even know who I really am! I am special, darn it, and I expect everyone and everything to truly care about ME!

Well, as luck would have it, yesterday I was not feeling well. I'd had a fight with my wife. Coincidentally, I also needed gas in my car. So I went down to the Texaco.

I started pumping away, when out came Razi from behind his bullet-proof glass enclosure.

"Mr. Bob, you look sad. What is the problem?" Razi said.

"I'm bummin', Raz. My wife called me a feckless bag of paunchy protoplasm. "

"Hmm. You have to admit, Mr. Bob, it's kind of poetic...in a cruelly truthful sort of way," he said.

"Thanks..."

"You know, Mr. Bob. Here at Texaco, we're not just concerned about "the" environment. We're concerned about everybody's environment. Especially your personal environment."

"Really, Raz?"

"Really, Mr. Bob. What can we at Texaco do to make you feel better by showing you that we truly care?"

"Well, Raz, first I think I need a hug."

"Not gonna happen, Mr. Bob."

"Well, then, maybe you could have a Facebook page with lots of icky platitudes about your commitment to me as a customer. You could use words like "holistic" and "wellness" and "renewal."

"But Mr. Bob, we're a rapacious oil and gas company, not a spa."

"Do you truly care?"

"Yes."

"Truly?"

"Yes."

"Then, my friend, you must learn that in the modern world of marketing no wretched level of fraudulent groveling is too revolting. May I quote from a recent blog I read?...

"...brands urgently need to hone their 'butlering skills,' focusing on assisting consumers to make the most of their daily lives..."

 "Their what skills, Mr. Bob?"

"Butlering."

"So you mean, I need to be kind of a.... a.....brand butler!"

"You know, Raz, I think you have a future as a shameless bullshit artist...oops,  I mean, a marketing blogger."

Leveraging Anxiety, Part 3

In the first two episodes (one and two) of this exciting story, we alleged that:

• Creating client anxiety about the future helps keep us employed.
• We maintain this level of anxiety by frequently declaring that something new "will change everything."
• In fact, the things that are supposed to change everything generally have a modest effect on overall consumer behavior.

Then we asked the question, why are we so credulously attached to the belief that the next
flavor-of-the-year is going to "change everything?" 

And now, we reveal the answer... actually, the answers...

• We Are Visionaries. We have an image of ourselves as visionaries. Advertising philosophy seems to have evolved from finding a differentiating attribute and communicating it, to anticipating the next fad and pouncing on it. Since trend-hopping has become such a big part of our business, we’ve talked ourselves into believing that we’re good at predicting the future. In fact, we have proven to be terrible at it. 

• We Love New Things. We love new things and hate old things. Just look at the advertising we create. People over the age of 50 control 77% of the wealth of this country. Please show me one Super Bowl ad this year that was directed at them. The average American buys 13 cars in his lifetime -- 8 of them after the age of 50. When is the last time you saw a 50 year old in a car ad? We love the new, we hate the old. 

• A Badge Of Honor.  Advertising and marketing people are the early adopters of just about everything. In other words, we are way more trendy than is healthy.  Appearing ahead of the curve is our badge of honor  -- even if we have no idea what the hell the curve is.

• It's A No-Lose Proposition. No one ever follows up on the wrong-headed prognostications of marketing gurus. They keep churning out baloney and we keep buying it. You can say whatever you want about the future without a care in the world because 5 years from now no one’s going to go back and take you to task.

• It's A Winning Strategy. And finally, we'll end where we started. Nobody ever made a nickel reminding marketers that while there are always a handful of game-changing innovations, most consumer behavior tends to stay surprisingly stable. Part of what keeps us employed is keeping our clients in a state of constant anxiety about the future. The more we can convince them that everything is changing around them --and they need us to interpret the changes -- the longer we stay employed. 

As I've said way more than I ought to, marketing and advertising people always overestimate
the impact of new things and always underestimate the power of traditional consumer
behavior.