Schizobranding

I know two guys named "Tommy."

One is funny, cheerful, and charming. One is sullen, negative, and unpleasant.

The name "Tommy" has no singular meaning for me. It denotes two different people who are completely unrelated.

I know two companies named "Taco Bell."

One is on television. It is clean, cheerful, and makes nice looking food.

One is in my neighborhood. It is dirty, disgusting, and I would never consider visiting it.

The name "Taco Bell" has no singular meaning for me. It denotes two different things that are completely unrelated.

The people who are spending money to reach me with a message about the tv entity called "Taco Bell" don't realize that it has nothing to do with the store called "Taco Bell" in my neighborhood.

Companies are getting more sophisticated at marketing and more inept at operations. The result is schizobranding. They are promoting something that has the same name, but is disconnected.

Just as I can easily have places in my brain for two unrelated things called "Tommy," I can also have places for two unrelated things called "Taco Bell.

Marketing U

DOTAC (Daughter of the Ad Contrarian) is going to college in September, which means we went shopping for colleges this year.

The best visit we had, and the school DOTAC fell in love with, followed some universal principles of marketing.

First, they treated the customer right. When we arrived, they had DOTAC's schedule for the visit clearly and personally printed for her. She knew exactly what she was going to do and when she was going to do it.

Next, they had the best salesman make the pitch. The info session was conducted by the Dean of Admissions, not a student or an underling. He was articulate, he was knowledgeable, and he was credible.

Finally, the school clearly differentiated itself : here's how we do things and here's why. We know it's different, but there's a reason for it.

You don't have to be a Rhodes scholar to figure this stuff out.

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Straightlining

A big mistake that advertisers and marketers -- and everyone else -- makes is "straightlining."

If this happened last week, last month, last year, then this is what will happen next week, next month, next year. Almost nothing moves in a straight line.

The future maybe better or worse, but it is rarely what we anticipate.

This Film Is Rated T For Torture

Memo to the CIA: You can now confidently put an end to waterboarding. Just make your prisoners watch this excruciating Ritz-Carlton web film. They will quickly break.

Back in December, when we wrote Ritz Bits, and Web Films vs. Bagels we had a feeling the Ritz-Carlton had lost its mind. But, honestly, we had no idea it was his bad.

Philosophy or Donuts?

Several years ago, a very sincere guy who ran a chain of donut shops came to see me. He wanted to do an advertising campaign.

"We're different," he explained. "We're a commune. Everyone who works here owns an equal part. We work cooperatively. It's a model for how businesses should be run. It's a vision of the future. I think people will really respond to this if we do an advertising campaign about it."

"How are your donuts?" I asked.

"Good."

"Then forget the philosophy. Nobody needs more philosophy. They need good donuts."

I still think it's good advice.

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Marketing To Yourself

One of the great joys of being in the advertising and marketing business is the power to market to yourself.

So if you're young and work for an NBA team, you blast the hip-hop music in the arena even though the average season ticket holder is an over-50, fat-ass white guy.

And if you work on a car account, you write a spot your friends will think is cool, even though no one under 25 can afford a car and the average American car buyer is 46. The best thing is, you don't even have to justify it to your client, because they want to market to themselves, too.

But be very careful. Don't wander out of the city or talk to anyone who isn't like you. Those people just aren't cool.

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Stick a Knife in My Head

We’ve been ranting for quite some time about how advertisers are missing a huge opportunity by always targeting young people.

In short, people over 50 have 77% of the money and are the target for about 10% of all advertising (see "Aiming Low.") According to The New York Times it looks like some companies are starting to wake up

However, with their typical heavy hand, most marketers will blow their opportunity with this target by pandering to them instead of talking to them. They will make the same mistakes that they make with every other “generation” by holding up a mirror and saying, “This is you. See, we understand!”

Let’s clear this up right now. A person is not a generic symbol of his generation. He is an individual. In order to motivate him you need to provide a specific, differentiated benefit. All the sociological/cultural baloney you hear from your agency about “Gen Xers are this” or “Gen Y’s are that” or “Baby Boomers are this” are simply lazy clichés that offer virtually nothing that is useful in advertising strategy.

Nonetheless, TAC predicts even more of that brainless, atrocious “Ameriprise”-style advertising that makes me want to stick a knife in my head.

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