December 05, 2016

Potato Chip Line Extensions

It all started with pineapple pizza.

Who's fucking idea was that?

Then we got blueberry bagels and olive oil ice cream and avocado toast and almond milk and pretty soon it'll be salted caramel Viagra.

Have you tried to buy potato chips lately? Do they have to fuck with everything? Can't they leave potato chips alone?

I went to the grocery the other day to buy my favorite lunch: a tuna sandwich, chocolate milk, and potato chips.

I stood there staring at the potato chip shelf for about 10 minutes and couldn't find a bag of simple, plain-ass potato-flavored potato chips. Everything had insane ingredients that had no business being anywhere near a potato chip. Bloody Mary and Jalapeno and...

Anyway, as long as the snack food industry has decided to go off the deep end, I thought I'd help them out with some new flavor ideas for potato chips. Here we go:

- Red Pepper and Milk

- Sweet Maui Onion and Handbag

- Fully Grown Beaver

- Cheddar and Self-Driving Car

- Mushroom and Dust

- Diet Dijon

- Honey Glazed Sweatsock

- Sri Lancan Sriracha

- Spicy Field Mouse

- Plump Chicken and Beans

- Aggressive Panhandling and Vinegar

- Wax Paper and Maple

- Crispy New York Toenails

Enjoy your lunch.

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