5 Bathroom Habits Of Highly Successful People.

One of the most ignored yet profound aspects of business success is what you do in "the library." That's right, what you do behind that closed door is just a mirror, or a microcosm, or something, of what you do in what I like to call "the dry world."

If you can incorporate the toilet routines of highly successful people into your personal brand, or your personal mission statement, or something, you, too, can become a really annoying billionaire.

So here are 5 "best practices" of highly successful people when they are "washing up:"

1. Look At Your Belly From The Side: Since your mirror reflects a two-dimensional image, admiring yourself head-on gives you a false impression of adequacy. You need to look at yourself from the side to realize how disgusting you really are. Lesson: You are not the same person in another dimension.  

2. Use Both Sides Of The "Bathroom Tissue." By using just one side you are being wasteful, causing Brazilians to cut down more trees, which results in deforestation, elevates the level of carbon in our atmosphere, hastens the death of the planet, and most distressingly, convinces more C students to major in environmental studies. You should be ashamed of yourself.  

3. Check For Head Lice Twice Daily: Imagine this -- it's the day of the big presentation. The client is sitting next to you at the conference table eating a blueberry bagel. Suddenly a little white animal jumps off your head and into his cream cheese! Quelle embarrassment!

4. Examine Your Nipples For Nipple Rings: If you have metallic rings through your nipples, you are probably either a porn maniac or a fucking moron. Most highly successful people are not porn maniacs or fucking morons. Well, they're not fucking morons, anyway.

 5. Always Check Behind The Shower Curtain For Bloggers. Duh.