April 28, 2014

Lots Of Screwing But No Marriage

Well, the big news this weekend was that the honeymoon between Omnicom and Publicis seems to be in trouble before we even get to the foreplay.

According to The Wall Street Journal,
"...battles over position and power are threatening to upend the slated $35 billion "merger of equals" between advertising firms Omnicom Group Inc. and Publicis Groupe SA."
Battles over position and power? In an ad agency? You mean it's not "all about the work?" Well fuck me blind.

Back in July, almost a year ago, the two blundering behemoths decided it would be a good idea to get married. The rationale? Some idiotic nonsense about "big data." The real reason? Corporate ego. These guys don't like the idea that Sir Martin has a bigger one.

As far as I'm concerned, the whole thing is a giant "so what?" The ad industry has already surrendered everything to fearsomely dull men in grey suits. Who gives a shit whether a couple of these cuties decide to snuggle up together?

It really doesn't matter much if you have one elephant in your living room or two. It's still gonna smell.

According to the Journal, one of the biggest battles is about who's going to keep track of the money.
"The companies are also at loggerheads over who will fill senior jobs, particularly the position of finance chief. Omnicom wants its chief financial officer, Randall Weisenburger, in the slot whereas Publicis wants its CFO, Jean-Michel Etienne, to get the job..."
(NOTE TO OMNI-PUBE: If you need someone to watch your money, pick a Weisenburger over an Etienne every time.)

This whole monstrosity was billed as a "merger of equals."

Anyone who has ever done a deal knows that there ain't no such thing. Someone's buying and someone's selling. It's the law. And all the baloney and corporate double-talk doesn't change that.

The PR jive coming out of the agencies is that the problems are not about who's in charge, but about "legal and tax issues in Europe." Can you imagine  how brilliant these clowns will be with all their "big data" if nine months into this deal they still can't figure out what the legal issues are?

Unable to keep his own mouth shut, Sir Martin Of The Big One chimed in on the contradictory statements coming out of both camps:
"You have one talking Chinese and the other Japanese," Mr. Sorrell said.
I'm afraid Sir Martin is wrong. They're both talking the same language. The only language they know -- bullshit.


Cecil B. DeMille said...

I slipped a disk attempting to give a shit. I wonder if I should sue them separately or wait til they merge?

Vinny Warren said...

very funny. coz it's true. it's all turned into one big grey and dull singularity. and we wonder why advertising no longer attracts anyone with a brain in their head. Oy.

draytonbird said...

I have yet to find any sensible, clear definition of what social media is/are. A sign in a toilet telling you to beware of certain maladies seems to have a certain social context and resonance.

But I thought, what the hell, give it a go. For a few months I have tried Linked-in. This should be best for me as I sell to business people and all the other media feature boring people telling other boring people what they had for breakfast or how much they love their cat.

I reckon Linked-in's about 30 times less effective in terms of cost per sale, and a damn sight more expensive in terms of time invested than emailing my list, which was mostly built up on adwords. But of course most people in marketing - especially the big firms and agencies - have too much money and too little sense to bother about trivia like ROI.

apgadadvertising said...

Thanks for sharing post and nice blog for Ad Agencies.

JayZed said...

I'm going to steal, er quote the line:

The web is a lousy version of television, but a terrific version of the Yellow Pages.

It goes well with my standard blurb about banners making a lousy TVC, they are more like a roadside billboard. You can have that in exchange.