August 29, 2017
Doing Stephen Hawking's Light Work
I know you're worried about KPIs and journeys and data-driven everything and dashboards but, honestly, there are bigger things to worry about.
Stephen Hawking says Earth is about over and we're going to need to leave here within a hundred years and find a new planet. And he's even smarter than a blogger.
So I thought it would be good to start a conversation about the kind of place we want. This way when we send out the interplanetary real estate agents to look for a new home they don't come back with some piece of shit planet for us.
Here are the things I think we should be looking for in a new planet:
- Plenty of free parking
- TVs that automatically turn off when you start snoring
- Lots of pretty flowers
- Super-hot nymphos who dig old bald guys
- Coffee shops with good cinnamon twists, not the crap they sell at Starbucks
- Dogs that don't shit
- And while we're at it, babies that don't shit
- And while we're at it, guys in front of you on the bathroom line at restaurants who don't shit
- Free beer on Wednesdays
- Invisible flying millennials
- Public transit without the public
- Bottomless martini glasses
- Lots of amazing banner ads. Only kidding
- Floors that give off a deadly electric shock when someone misses the urinal
- Mandatory mid-day naps
- Cars that drive themselves...oh, wait a minute...
- Reverse digestion.The more lasagna you eat, the thinner you get
And this would be our planetary anthem...
That's my kinda planet. No charge, Stevie.
(h/t Malcolm Gordon)