Whatever You Do, Don't Be Yourself

Continuing our delicious vacation from blogging, today we re-print a post from this summer in which we offered essential advice to the up-and-coming ad professional.

If you want to be successful in the ad business, one of the first things you have to learn is to ignore all the baloney about "being yourself."

As a matter of fact, at all costs, do not be yourself.

Being yourself is a one-way ticket to Starbucksville.

I don't know who you are, or what "yourself" is like, but I guarantee you, "yourself" will be a big flop in the agency world.

In the agency world, you are expected to talk like this:

"(White Castle) is a beloved challenger brand... They seek an agency partner to align with their idea-rich, entrepreneurial culture and evolve the brand’s cultural relevance, especially among the millennial target."

See what I mean? That's an actual quote from an agency consultant. I don't care how full of shit yourself is, yourself can't be that full of shit.

Yourself might have said,

"White Castle is a bottom-feeding purveyor of unspeakable crap that just got a new CMO who wants an agency that will kiss his ass."

I'm afraid that just wouldn't sit well with the new masters of marketing.

That's why, to be successful in the agency business, you have to be very careful not to be yourself.

Here are some simple rules to follow to keep from being yourself:

Do not speak in simple declarative sentences

Do not ever express doubts about anything

Do not tell your colleagues what pathetic kiss-asses they are

Do not ever disagree with the highest ranking person in the room

When a client says the stupidest fucking thing you've ever heard, smile and nod

Remember, every sentence you speak or write must contain the word "brand" or "engagement"

I'm afraid that being yourself simply will not align with this idea-rich entrepreneurial culture or evolve your cultural relevance. So take my advice, amigo. Be the other guy.

Okay, now get out there and knock 'em dead.