October 23, 2013

10 Ways To Make Obamacare Website More Successful


President Obama is having a tough time with his new HealthCare.gov website. So far he's spent $394 million on it, and it doesn't even have any funny cat videos.

The President has found out what we in the civilian population have known for years -- expecting an online expert to get something right is like expecting a 16-year-old to vacuum the garage. And having an I.T. department is like having a family of blind monkeys with aluminum baseball bats.

Meanwhile, the average 14-year-old in South Korea could have built the website in about a half-hour while rubbing one out and winning a golf tournament.

There's only one group of people who can help the president now -- the people who really know what they're doing online. I think it's time for us professional marketers to step up and help the President.

So here, Mr. President, are 10 Ways To Make The Obamacare Website More Successful:
1. Change the URL to HealthCare.MILF

2. Have a section where you can upload pictures of your favorite disease

3. Appoint a healthcare "global ambassador" like Will.i.am or Lady Gaga
4. New campaign slogan: "Think it's easy running a country and a website?"
5. Have the IRS "accidentally" investigate the tax returns of everyone who doesn't sign up
6. Do some really cool shit with QR codes
7. Promotion: Enroll by January 1st and win a date with Nancy Pelosi

8. Tweet out what diseases are trending

9. If you spend over $500 on prosthetic devices, free shipping

10. Blame Bush

8 comments:

  1. JamieOctober 23, 2013 at 12:58 AM

    Surely it should be #BlameBush

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jay AllenOctober 23, 2013 at 6:04 AM

    If only they had an effective social media campaign, all would be fine. Oh, wait ....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cecil B. DeMilleOctober 23, 2013 at 6:50 AM

    I think this is more a case of the product sucking. All the advertising in the world, even stuff with funny cats and babies and nut shots, will not convince anyone that a $10,000 deductible is "affordable."


    The website isn't broken. The product is.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jason FoxOctober 23, 2013 at 7:04 AM

    Pretty sure 3, 5, 6 and 10 are actually happening.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Matthew TarpyOctober 23, 2013 at 7:07 AM

    #3 - Baltimore Ravens

    ReplyDelete
  6. Roy KisselOctober 23, 2013 at 8:59 AM

    Can't believe that they're not in the App Store yet.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sean PeakeOctober 23, 2013 at 9:48 AM

    11. Tea Party/Ted Cruz/Koch Bros.

    ReplyDelete
  8. AllismarketingOctober 29, 2013 at 6:37 PM

    12. Reboot

    ReplyDelete