Robbie And Ruthie Talk About Pickles

The phone rings:

ROBBIE: Hello.

RUTHIE: Robert, it's your Aunt Ruthie.

ROBBIE: Hi Ruthie.

RUTHIE: Hello, darling.

ROBBIE: What's up?

RUTHIE: I'm calling to ask a favor.

ROBBIE: Sure.

RUTHIE: My pickles are selling very well, and Big Save says they'll put them in their supermarkets all across the country, but I have to do some advertising. So I thought as long as my nephew is a big shot advertising man, maybe your company could make an ad for me.

ROBBIE: Sure.

RUTHIE: So here's what I want the ad to say... Aunt Ruthie's Pickles are homemade, they taste wonderful, and we use fresh ingredients.

ROBBIE: Well, okay, but we really need to think a little more about this.

RUTHIE: Um...okay...what?

ROBBIE: Well, first we need to understand the consumer.

RUTHIE: The consumer?

ROBBIE: It's a...a person who buys things.

RUTHIE: Everyone buys things.

ROBBIE: Right...

RUTHIE: So how is a consumer different from a person?

ROBBIE: Um...it's not.

RUTHIE: So why don't you just call it a person?

ROBBIE: Okay, so it's a person.

RUTHIE: Okay so you have to understand this...person. Why?

ROBBIE: So we can know how they use your product.

RUTHIE: They eat it. How else do you use a pickle?

ROBBIE: Well, yeah...but why do they eat it?

RUTHIE: Because it tastes good. (PAUSE) Robbie, are you okay?

ROBBIE: I'm fine. You see, we have to analyze who we should be talking to in our advertising. We call that a target audience. Should we talk to women 18-49 or men 25-34 or...?

RUTHIE: Why don't we just talk to people who like pickles?

ROBBIE: Well you see, the perception of your brand has to resonate...

RUTHIE: My what?

ROBBIE: Your brand...it's the personality of your product...

RUTHIE: My pickles have a personality?

ROBBIE: Well, it's not the pickles that have the personality, it's you, it's Aunt Ruthie's Pickles...

RUTHIE: My personality? I'm a pain in the ass. What the hell does anyone care about my personality?

ROBBIE: But Aunt Ruthie's is your brand.

RUTHIE: I thought Aunt Ruthie's was my name.

ROBBIE: And your name is your brand

RUTHIE: So why don't you just call it my name? (PAUSE) Robert, are you having that problem you had back in college?

ROBBIE: You know I've committed to never doing that again...

RUTHIE: So why are you talking like this? Is this how you talk in your company?

ROBBIE: Well, yes. You see, Aunt Ruthie, we believe advertising isn't really about selling your pickles. It's about developing a relationship between the consumer and your brand by having integrated communications that create advocates by over-delivering on brand expectations and creating relevant brand conversations...

RUTHIE: You know, honey, your cousin Stanley majored in English, maybe I'll just ask him to write the ad..

ROBBIE: No, no....I'll..

RUTHIE: Robbie, darling, you know I love you, right? And I would never say anything to hurt you. But listen to me, darling. You people are crazy.

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