5 Good Things About The Coming Depression

You know me, always looking on the bright side.

So while the world comes crashing down around us, I thought I'd make a list of 5 potentially good things about the coming years of deprivation and misery.

• No more fucking crème fraîche. With any luck all the bullshit restaurants will close down and we'll be able to get back to eating good stuff like grilled cheese and spaghetti and meatballs.

• No more designer jeans. If there's any justice in the world, the nitwits who paid $300 for torn denim will need the cash to buy food.

• No more water from Fiji. You know that bottle of water you paid $5.50 for in your hotel room? Well, that shit is free right in the bathroom. I'm not kidding.

• Maybe Verizon will go out of business. And we won't have to look at that putz anymore.

• End of global warming. All those people who've been saying the only way to stop global warming is to change our profligate ways? We'll soon find out if they're right.

That's Right...
...I said depression, not recession.

Tomorrow:
How Ad Agencies Make Money, Part 3:
"Why MadMen Lived In Barbie Dream Houses And You Live In A Shit Dump."