How To Annoy 40,000 People

I am a sports fan and a patriot. I go to lots of games. But if I have to sit through one more excruciating interpretation of The Star Spangled Banner I may never go back.

If you are ever asked to sing the national anthem at a ballgame please follow these guidelines:

1. Sing the melody. Songs have melodies for a reason. Your improvisations are not improvements. Trust me on this.
   
2. Don't gargle. This isn't American Idol.
3. There's a difference between drunkenness and admiration. You know all those morons who are going "Wooo!" when you hit the high notes? They're drunk.
   
4. And, most of all, get on with it. Patriotism is fine, but our hot dogs are getting cold.