Take The Refrigerator Test

Despite all the yapping by marketing experts about the amazing power of online advertising, it has been my impression that, overall, digital advertising has been a weak force.

Yes, there have been some notable exceptions. Google has certainly replaced the yellow pages as the place people go when they are actively looking to buy something. Facebook can certainly make it easier for you to find left-handed plumbers who drink chocolate milk. And every now and then there's a big one-off social media success.

But if you believe, as I do, that the highest ambition of advertising is to build a successful brand, you have to wonder about the past twenty years. Where are the big non-web-native brands that have been built by online advertising?

Twenty years into their lives as mainstream media, tv, radio, print and billboards -- what we now call traditional media -- had built thousands of successful consumer brands in hundreds of categories (made-up number alert.)

People often ask me how I can maintain such an obviously unfashionable opinion about digital advertising? I tell them this: The proof is in your refrigerator.

Open your refrigerator and take everything out. Take out the juices, and beers, and jams, and cheeses, and snacks, and yogurt, and meats, and peanut butter, and mayonnaise, and...

Then make two piles. In one pile put all the brands that were built with traditional advertising. In the second pile put all the brands that were built by online advertising.

I think you will find that you have one pile.

By the way, if you are the guy who was going to write a comment that said, "Oh yeah, well you know everything we buy doesn't go in the refrigerator," don't bother. You can do the same test in your cupboard, your garage, your medicine cabinet, your closet and your desk and you'll come up with the same result.

"Marketers Are From Mars..." Now An eBook.

 In its second day of release, the ebook of "Marketers Are From Mars, Consumers Are From New Jersey" broke into the top 3 in advertising at Amazon. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

The good news is that it's selling for $2.99. That's less than you pay for 5 kernels of popcorn at the movies. And it doesn't make your mouth all dry and smelly.

You can read it on any device. If you don't have a Kindle-ish thing, just go here and download the free Kindle app.

Then your only obligation is to write a fabulous review on Amazon. If you're new at that, here are some suggestions:

• "I've never read a book before. This is fun."
• "I'm really looking forward to the tweet."
• "It's like Shakespeare, only much stupider."
• "I would buy the movie rights if I knew what that meant."

Now quit jacking around and download the book.

Nobody Gives A Flying Shit About Your Brand

A lot of people have shaky jobs. And many have unstable families. Some have illnesses. All have debts.

Lots have washing machines that are broken, and cars that need a tune-up, and funny things growing on their backs, and boyfriends that are always getting high, and socks that have holes, and hair that is falling out, and toilets that are unreliable, and 10 pounds of extra stomach, and kids that are unhappy, and teeth that hurt, and rent to pay, and...

...a lot of things to care about.

One thing you can be pretty sure they don't care about is your brand.

Yes, I know you've been told that people love brands, and want to engage with them, and co-create with them and be all social with them. But stop and think about it for a minute. Do you really believe this? Does it even pass the giggle test?

If you're a marketer and you believe people care about your brand just because they buy it, you're headed for trouble. What we blithely call "brand loyalty" is mostly just habit, convenience, mild satisfaction or easy availability.

A smart marketer takes nothing for granted. He assumes that no one gives a flying shit about his brand. He assumes that he has to prove his value to his customers every day of the year.

He does not believe that there are "brand ambassadors" out there "advocating" for his brand. If there are a few, great. But he's not going to count on it.

He does not delude himself into believing that people want to "engage" with his brand or "share" his brand stories. If there are a few, great. But he's not going to bet the future on it.

For him, every day is Groundhog Day. Every day he has to drag his ass out the door and tell the world -- once again -- why they need his stuff.

And if he starts to get lazy, and puts his faith in the professional chatterers, and starts to believe the fantasies, he's a dead man walking.


BOOK UPDATE: My new book, "Marketers Are From Mars, Consumers Are From New Jersey" (selected as Amazon's #1 "Hot New Release" in advertising)is now available as an ebook here.