May 04, 2012

6 Things I Learned This Week

Here are 6 things I learned this week.
1. Annals Of Marketing: According to news reports, Osama Bin Laden was working on re-branding Al Qaeda before he was killed.  Apparently he was all grumpy and depressed and thought Al Qaeda's image had been damaged (!) and was thinking about a name change.

2. According to the great George Tannebaum at Ad Aged, William Pace had the all-time record for living with a bullet in his head. His brother accidentally shot him in the head when he was 9. The bullet was never removed. He died this week at 103.

3. Annals Of Marketing, Part 2: A motel operator in Cocoa Beach, Florida has decided that the only way to save his failing business (The Fawlty Towers Motel, no I'm not kidding) is to turn it into an all nude motel. Next up: All nude ad agencies.

4. If, on the other hand, you'd rather not drag your naked ass to the ice machine, the Emirate of Dubai is planning to build an underwater hotel. I'm thinking of staying home.

4. Human psychology explained: Thin people think they're fatter then they are. Fat people think they're thinner than they are. Dumb people think they're smarter than they are. Smart people think they're smarter than they are.

5. I'm speaking to a group of independent ad agency owners this morning. The title of my talk, "The Golden Age Of Bullshit." Should be another fine opportunity to turn a nice group of people into an angry violent mob.
6. Pepsi is letting its desperation show by bringing the image of Michael Jackson back on a billion cans of Pepsi. Can't they leave the poor guy alone?
Have a good weekend.

May 03, 2012

The Electro-Magnetic Theory Of Economics

First of all, have you ever seen a worse title for a blog post? If 9 people read this thing it will be a miracle. Which may be a good thing because I'm going off into hyper-space today.

I've never understood how an economy works. Why is business good one year and then stinks the next year? There are the same amount of people, and the same amount of money, and all of a sudden everything stops. I don't get it.

Then an idea occurred to me. Maybe economics is like electricity. The way electricity works is like this (well, this is the idiot blogger version anyway) -- some materials have more "loose" electrons than others. And when two materials that have different levels of loose electrons are connected, and there is a path created, the electrons want to reach an equilibrium, so the electrons flow from the material with more loose electrons to the material with fewer. And we get electricity. The greater the imbalance, the heavier the flow.

Maybe an economy works that way. Think about dollars as electrons. There is always an imbalance of dollars. Some people have more dollars than others. Some countries have more dollars than others. So when the circumstances are right, and there is a clear path, dollars flow from those with more dollars to those with less -- in other words, people buy things.

But what is the clear path that makes the dollars flow? The answer is value. Why is there no steel industry in the US any more? Because our steel became too expensive and the loose electrons started flowing where there was a greater imbalance -- overseas.

If this is true, than the greater the imbalance the more robust the economic activity -- just as long as there's a clear path. This is a disconcerting prospect for advanced economies. It means that societies that have lower costs of production will have more rapid rates of economic growth -- just as long as they have a clear path (something of value) that they're able to sell. This explains our constant balance-of-trade problems. We keep sending our electrons to Saudi Arabia for their oil and to China for their refrigerators.

It also explains the nasty appeal of colonialism. Societies with lots of expendable electrons will be drawn to creating "paths" to those where the electromagnetic pull is the strongest.

It also explains our recent recession. I could never understand why the recession started. But if you look at it like electricity, the materials with loose electrons (banks) lost their attraction to materials with fewer electrons (us.) Electrons stopped flowing and the economy went floppy.

Being an economics idiot I am sure this theory is either completely stupid or completely obvious. But for an ad hack riding to work on the train, I thought it was a pretty handy bit of work.

Apologies About My Commenting Program
I use a third party commenting program and they are quitting the commenting business. It's a good thing, too, because it's a terribly confusing and unreliable program (at least from my perspective.) I have gotten emails from people who are telling me that comments are not showing up, others are telling me they are showing up twice, it's a mess. I think it depends on what browser you are using.  I am trying to migrate all my old comments over to Blogger, but it's not as easy as it sounds. I hope to have it done by next week. I love comments, so please keep commenting and be patient.

May 02, 2012

Pepsi Follows The Script

Almost a year ago in a piece called There's Madness To The Madness, while having a great time kicking the shit out of Pepsi for their disastrous Refresh nonsense, I made one of my rare predictions...
"...when brands lose their minds and go off the rails, their next move is usually to snap back to their roots. With that in mind, here's the kind of campaign I expect Pepsi...to come up with:
Concept: Happy, youthful people of every color from all over the global world are drinking Pepsi while the most expensive pop stars of every color in the global world are singing about Pepsi."
Well, guess what? According to Ad Age on Monday...
Pepsi is preparing to launch a campaign, "Live for Now," that positions the brand on the pop-culture forefront around the world.
Well, I'll be...

A Pepsi marketing exec said...
"When we look at what Pepsi really stands for, we've been an entertainment platform for as far back as anyone can remember"... As part of the campaign, Pepsi will partner with emerging entertainers or artists from a variety of disciplines...The initial spot features a cameo from performer Nicki Minaj...
God, I'm good.

I went on to say...
This will all be tied into a mobile Facebook/Twitter/YouTube friend and download fest...The campaign theme will be Planet Pepsi or something else of equal globularity.
According to Ad Age...
Consumers will be encouraged to tweet, "like" and pin items from the dashboard... Pepsi Pulse will also promote about 50 events and activities in markets across the country...
If you didn't know better, you'd be tempted to think I know what the hell I'm talking about.

Anyway, it's nice to see that there are some marketing people out there who actually read this thing. No charge, Pepsi.